||[Aug. 21st, 2011|03:25 pm]
Ich kann nicht mehr.
|||||Silent Hill - "Walk on Vanity Ruins"||]|
Why does most of this world take pride in making me feel like shit? As if it actually enjoys what it does, what it's doing.. As it bottles up my tears and frustrations. Labeling each with a date and time, following by placing them one by one up on some shelved storage compartment. In a dark and rusted enclosed room..
I hate the waiting game. There is nothing remotely fun about it.
I had said plans with a person last night. I waited 3 hours after the hour we were suppose to chill.. Called a few times, got ignored. Called once more as a last attempt, and its usually within that last attempt that the said person answers.. Always.
When they did they apologized, saying they had somehow fallen asleep awhile playing video games. Was trying to find the energy to come over in the first place.. If you were that tired, why even bother in trying to chill? There's no point in that. Just go to bed.. I understand that.
Except he kept stating things about trying to find the energy and wanting to chill. Yadda yadda.. So he said he was sadly going to just go back to bed. For now it was way to late to even try in chilling.. This again, I understand.. So we made plans for early in the morning tomorrow. For he was to do yard work and cleaning all throughout the house. And although I would like to not partake in it, he asked. Which I said yes too. I don't mind helping out... Not my favorite thing to do, but its simple.
So roll around to 8.30am today.. I wake up, do my thing.. Wait. Try calling said person. Nothing. Few hours later, call again - nothing still.. I go about my business, cleaning my own apartment. Playing with my kittykat MagPie.. Waiting
Every few hours I'd call his cellular. Dead. So I'd call the house phone. Left many messages. Called many times.. Are you ignoring me? Are you even awake? Are you even working? Did you even still want me over to help? Or did you make other plans completely forgetting again...?
If you couldn't guess. I'm still waiting.. Now that it's 3.16pm... That's about a 7 hour difference!!
Luckily I tried one last time a few minutes ago. And what luck, some magical bunny plugged in his cellular. And that same magical bunny even made him answer it..
Except that everything was already done. That he had other people over. And that he was now planning on going to chill with THAT said person who helped him.. He didn't even seem to care that he ditched me, failed to call, and failed to let me know that I didn't even need to wait for him.. Seven hours later and it's nothing to him.. I mean nothing to him.
So frustrating. I tried wording my voice. But that never goes right. It always fails. He never understands.. More so since I wasn't here, so why am I even complaining? And that I don't matter. That it shouldn't matter, nothing should.. According to him.
AND, what's even better... Is that if I want to hang out with him now. I have to wait even longer. Since he has now new plans. That he'll supposedly call once he gets back. Not, hey wanna come along? No it's: if you wanna chill later on, I'll let you know..
Again I tried voicing myself.. As in, how long will this now take? Will I even see you at all today? Did you even want to chill in the first place? Why would you let me wait that long...? But it all falls on unheard ears. He just wants to get off the phone. He just wants to go and do his thing. He just wants me to shut up.. So he'll just say anything. Including the whole goodbyes repeating itself so that no one can even put in two more cents, so that he can just hangup..
I don't know. I'm completely crushed right now.. I truly hate the waiting game..
That is all.